Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Happy Mothers Day from this imperfect mom

I so much needed to read this today. I really am trying, despite myself, to be a good mom. To teach my boys how to be kind and to make sure they feel loved and safe.

On Saturday I took Franky down the elementary school to run a 1k race. He was so excited. He talked about it all the day before and he was just SURE he was going to win "because I'm the fasest ever huh mom?" he said. Of course I agreed.

I didn't realize how long a 1k was. Four times around the huge blacktop behind the school with 30 other kids. I felt certain he would tire of the race after  the first couple of laps... he ran the entire way, his little legs flying. Of course he was not the winner and even though he fell at the end and scraped his knee he felt like he had won. I don't know how I ended up with this happy, gregarious little boy. I'm doing my best not to squelch it because with his personality comes a ton of energy and a predisposition for mischief. I want more than anything for him to be happy. I hope that is possible despite my yelling and timeouts for my sanity.

I go through periods where I struggle with happiness. I don't know what it's like for everyone else but I feel like one of my trials in this life is learning to be happy with who I am and what I have to give and that being enough. I'm not always so great at it. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. But I'm learning to let go and not dwell. It's the dwelling that sucks the life right out of me.

Anyways, that was kind of a tangent to drearier things than I started out to write. I am so grateful for the two little boys in my life and and on this mothers day the lessons that my boys have taught me. I am a lucky woman.

And of course, to all the women in my life, despite the motherhood status, much love on this mothers day.

Love, ali

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