Last night I got REALLY tired around 9 pm. So I thought I would get Drew to sleep, clean up a little and do dishes, and then go to bed early. Two hours later I was still sitting in the rocking chair, holding a binky in his mouth. I couldn't put him down without the baby alarm going off as he would immediately spit out his bink and SCREAM. Suddenly all I could see was how messy my house was and all the other things I should be taking care of before I went to bed. But there was no end in sight. And I started to cry.
Even I realize how silly that sounds the morning after. None of that stuff matters next to the little baby in my arms or the toddler tearing apart the kitchen right now. But in the moment I just felt so trapped and there was nothing to do but cry.
Thankfully I have Zach. He cleaned up the house and then, when the baby wouldn't even be soothed by nursing, took him for a ride in the car to get him to sleep. I don't know how single mothers do it.
I know I'm going to look back and miss these days - in fact, a country song told me so the other day in the car and I started bawling. But today I'm just trying to hold it together.
Oi, motherhood is quite the ride.