One night when we were in the hospital I had fed the kido and was holding him in bed but couldn't really sleep very well. I hadn't slept hardly at all the night before, I felt too bad to send him to the nursery! Anyways, I fed him around 2:30 and woke up at 5:00 and he wasn't in the room. I had a vague memory of the nurses coming to get him to do his vitals but I wasn't sure. I paged my nurse and then started imagining all sorts of horrible things and reasons why they didn't bring him back right away. I sat there in agony for about 5 minutes and I paged my nurse again. Then I started crying. DH woke up and told me it would be okay. My nurse finally came in a few minutes later and said they kept him there so I could sleep and had told me that but I was pretty drowsy when the took him. It was such an awful feeling when I woke and he was gone.
Then yesterday we went to Target. I didn't have my cell phone so after I helped Z pick out some cute clothes I went to groceries and told him to come find me when he was done. I finished shopping and went looking for Z. I ended up walking around for a good 15 minutes, all the while worrying that the baby was going to wake up and start screaming. I finally found him and when I laid eyes on him I started bawling, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF TARGET. He thought I had my cell and had been waiting for me to call him. I wasn't even mad, just overwhelmed with emotion.
That's just a sampling of the madness over the past few days. I hope it gets better. I'm not used to being a weepy person.
DH goes back to work tomorrow and I am pretty sad. I'm just trying not to think about it. It's not that I don't think I can handle this. Franky is already in a pretty good routine and I can set him down in the bouncer and do my thing when he's full and dry. I just feel bad that Z has to go back to work and I get to stay home with the kido. He works so hard and now that he's the only bread winner there's even more pressure. And our renters are moving at the end of October so he's got even more pressure to finish all of his endless projects. He's just a good-hearted, hard-working man and I am so lucky to be his wifey. I almost cried when I just typed that. HA HA!